A Paradoxical Pursuit

These past several months, nearly all of my thoughts and learning have centered around my acclimation to all of the change in my life. I've graduated, gotten married, moved, left college, and started a career. And while absolutely none of the change in my life has been bad, change is just difficult. It is the pain of leaving familiar things and the effort (and sometime pain) of acclimating to new things.

But the question occurred to me the other day, why is change so hard? Why do we dislike it so much? One would think that in the world we live in, where everything is always changing and nothing stays the way it is, that we have at some point become accustomed to the constant flux of life. But this is not, and has never been, the case. The paradox is that we expect something from the world that was never promised us. We strive toward some constant stability that this world has really never offered. And yet we pursue it still. True some have largely given up on the quest for stability, saying they rather enjoy bouncing around life in all its newness but, probably more accurately, this is largely a resolution to the state of things around them than something they really had a choice over.

And so I contemplate in my own heart why change is so unnerving and uncomfortable. I think about where this desire comes from and where my heart could possibly hope to find what it desires. And so I've come to realize that we are, in fact, made for such constancy and stability but, as with many other things, we have been looking in the wrong places.

This is a perfect example of a larger issue I'll only briefly touch on here and perhaps write more about later. Built within each of us is most certainly a desire for the Person that created us. Think of a child's desire for their parents but much deeper than that. And so people will go about life convinced that they have no desire for God but still desire the things of God which, ironically, is the sum total of who he is (let he who has ears hear). Constancy and stability are some of those things of God that we almost universally desire. We have in Jesus a God that describes himself as a Rock, who calms storms and says that he is the beginning and the end all at the same time. He rises above all of the change and flux in our world to become the One that we can always count on above all others.

I still find it comical that, just to maintain our phony sense of independence, we would settle for cheep imitations rather than go to God and take what he offers. Thirsty and wandering in the desert, I, for one, will take the water setting in front of me and drink deeply. I know many that, for some reason, would rather eat sand - I know because I was once there. If I was made to desire the things of God I will no longer look for cheap imitations elsewhere. In the midst of all the change that I am now both enjoying and struggling to acclimate myself to, I find so much joy in the fact that the peace and constancy that I look for and need can always be found in the same Place.

Mondaze

Mental Note: Stop apologizing for not blogging in a while every time you blog.

It seems like these days I'm learning so much so fast but its taking a while for all that I'm learning to come together into focus and make a coherent picture. Perhaps that gives some measure into the depth of the things God is showing me right now. These last couple months have been challenging but I have a profound sense of gratitude toward God for taking me down this path.

This Monday had started like most do. My body is here doing work but my mind usually doesn't come into work till about noon. My mind met me for lunch today and hopefully I can convince it to keep me company for the rest of the afternoon. It seems like Mondays in particular, I feel more "ecclesiastical" than most days. By that I mean that I find a kindred spirit in Solomon as he endeavored in vain to find purpose in many of the things the world so passionately pursues. His conclusion in the end is that there is only God, nothing else under the sun matters.

Well thanks Solomon, that does me a whole hell of a lot of good as I sit at work motivating myself to write another TPS report. I'm not as jaded as I sound, I promise. But continuing Solomon's contemplation does seem like a worthy activity for the 90% of my brain I usually don't need during the day.

Forgive my candor but, much like David's psalms, feelings aren't always the truth but erring them goes a long way towards exposing them for what they are. As always, if you read this and my other thoughts on this page, you honor and encourage me by your patronage. Thanks.

Consider the Source

Well let me first apologize for taking ten years between posts. Life has continued to be an amazing learning experience with new knowledge and wisdom coming from some of the most unlikely of sources. It has, however, prompted me to reexamine who and where I am taking my advice and example from. This is what I wanted to write about today.

It seems like in our culture we have many people we would call "idols". We even have a show called "American Idol" that rolls around the country looking for new ones. We have ads that tell us to "be like Mike" and we can buy the jersey of our favorite athletes. We read their books and learn their life stories because, for us, there is something about them that we want to be true about us as well.

There is something missing in this, however, because our focus becomes too intent on merely this habit or that trait to the exclusion of the entire person. We oftentimes devalue the position an idol might have in our lives by leaving the post open to a myriad variety of not-so-worthy candidates. Did he or she have to compensate in some areas to become a star in others? Perhaps a man is the best in his field but he is a horrible husband and father. Perhaps a woman attained an incredible amount of power and leadership and yet lacks compassion or humility.

Would we still want to follow most of our idols if we really knew the whole story about them? Or, perhaps, is ignorance bliss? My personal rule of thumb and my encouragement today is to look at the entire person when looking for someone to admire and idolize. What I don't mean is look for perfect people because, by my count, there only been one of them (and he's an automatic on my list of idols for that and many other reasons).

Let me explain in fuller detail how I advocate this criteria. I would say that it is, arguably, true that just about anybody can be the best at just about anything if you sacrifice everything else for it. This goes back to a previous article where I asked if what you devote yourself to is worthy of the sacrifice. But even a worthy devotion (we're not even going to talk about unworthy devotions here) is not license to neglect every other area of your life. No, I think that holding all of one's passions and priorities in balance, seeing that all of them are attended to, and excelling there is infinitely harder than just picking one thing to the exclusion of the rest.

I want to see athletes that are faithful to their wives and good fathers to their children. I want to see women that can lead companies with power and grace. I want to see ministers that take as much time keeping their own lives in order as they do everyone elses'. I want to excel in my own field but never to the exclusion of my wife or my God. Even if I never am somebody's idol, I want to live that kind of life. And I wish that kind of life on every person because that quality of character and depth of life has always been our destiny. We should stop reserving that life for the people we see on TV and claim it for ourselves today.

But that's just my opinion...

This Grand Experiment

These past four months have definitely been some of the most interesting of my life. Over the course of one summer, I find myself in a vastly different place than I was just a season ago. Most everything that I knew and that was true about my life for the first 27 years is now different.

And so with such change there is to be expected a certain amount of adjusting that's in order. Change management involves missing where you've been and getting excited about where you are. Sometimes its beautiful and sometimes its messy. Change is hard and I can confidently attest to that now first-hand. But recently I've become suspicious. I've started to wonder if all of the difficultly I've had with my attitude and false thinking about my situation is simply me adjusting to change.

I'm starting to thing there's more going on...

I've made big goals for myself here in Richmond. Upon graduating and getting married, most people would be satisfied with getting along with their spouse and being able to pay their bills. Katie and I have ventured beyond, truly believing there is more to life and more to our purpose in Richmond than simply that. What we left in Blacksburg was more than school and a church we loved. We left comfort, we left purpose, we left belonging and satisfaction. What most people will spend their entire lives looking for, we found. And now God has asked us to leave it and refind it in this new place. Why would he do that? Because, in my experience, I don't know a single person that believes that it can be found in the life I'm now living.

I've worked and labored with many people in college that, whether they conciously admit it or not, believe that graduation is retirement from ministry. With a forty hour (or fifty or sixty, depending on who you ask) a week job, many people say I should be satisfied just giving to the church and letting the "professionals" do all the grunt work now. But the lie goes even deeper than that. What I see are people that really believe that true community and deep connection with other people simply impractical for the working person. They get up early for work and get home in time for dinner then bed. The weekends are reserved for errands and then I do it all over again. That may seem like a charactature of what people actually believe but I assure you its not that far from the truth. Somehow "growing up" has become a spiritual and social death sentence for many people.

And so Katie and I have begun a grand experiment to see if spiritual growth and ministry and deep intimate community are still possible in the work world. Have we really just plugged into the Matrix or is more really possible? We're not alone in this endeavor by any means (so as not to sound too overly heroic in this endeavor) but it can sure feel like it sometimes.

But it is in the midst of this that I have had the hardest time keeping my attitude positive and my thoughts truthful about the situations I find myself in. Its as if my mind is being sabatoged in an effort to short circuit our efforts to unplug from the Matrix. I feel attacked and I feel opposed. Many will cynically reject the idea of spiritual warfare as superstituion but, to be sure, we do have an enemy that's come to kill and destroy any effort we make toware "life to the fullest".

My final conclusion on the matter (at least for now) is that Katie and I must be on to something. Because I see now other reason for such a viscous attack on my mind and my heart. Whatever we're on the presipous of discovering must be a dangerous truth - the fact that life is possible, here and anywhere Jesus is. This, in my estimation, may be the most dangerous truth in the world because of how radically it would change our lives if we believed it.

What I believe in theory, I'm starting to believe in practice. Lies are being undermined by experiences to the contrary. And I feel a momentum about the whole thing (kind of like at the top of a roller coaster, just before you tip over the peak) that excites me even in the midst of trial. Pray for us during this time, us and everyone else that's taken part in this grand experiment.

Stay tuned....

The One Man Curriculum

Sorry I haven't written in a while. As of my last post I've been working on some of my "least used tools" and have been doing more listening than writing. Being a good student has always taken a tremendous amount of effort. Sometimes the simplest things, like sitting down and just listening to the teacher, can seem so difficult to do. I've learned a lot over the last week about my attitude and thought life. How so much of my circumstances, while most out of my direct control, can be positively or negatively affected by my attitude toward them.

It was in the midst of learning all of this that I took a second this morning to reflect on Jesus the Teacher. How he was there when I was very much a spiritual baby, as far as my talent and knowledge was concerned, and how he is still here today. I didn't start with one teacher then graduate on to another. Nope, I began with Jesus, I'm still with Jesus, and I'll always be with Jesus. He will always be my one and only Teacher no matter how much I ever grow or learn. He'll always have more to teach me and his example to me will never be less compelling than it is.

It's those last two points that have struck me this morning. I've found a Teacher that has yet to even scratch the surface of what he has to show me and I find that extremely exciting. I've also find a Teacher that has always practiced what he teaches, and his example is profound and powerful enough to deserve my entire life's passion. I consider myself extremely fortunate to be able to follow Jesus. I don't hear his followers saying that enough. The Master has given us a full scholarship to this profound life institution he has set up and we often look at the opportunity with a yawn and a sigh. So I say it again, I feel like the luckiest man in the world to be able to know Jesus and learn from him. And every venue I have to state that fact, I plan on doing so - starting with this blog and moving out into the world that I find myself in.

Today I praise God because he is more worthy of praise than anything this world has to offer. Amen.