Providence Path

So last week I was sharing about the fact that I've largely found contentment in the job I am doing right now. Even in the monotonous parts of it, I've found new opportunities to practice humility and a servant's heart. That's my present situation. The second half of what I've been learning has to do with my future situation. I've spent the better part of six months praying about various aspects of my future in very specific detail as to what I desire. First off, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You should ask God for the desires of your heart and you should be candid about what you want. But what I've become less and less clear on what exactly I want or should want. So in several areas I've coveted either a particular apartment with an even better view of the city than mine or I've coveted a contract with a five-minute commute. But lately some of these prayers, at least for me, have seemed somewhat presumptive.

I'm finding it hard to communicate what I'm feeling right now. All I can say is that God knows what's best for my life and I don't, so why I am asking for anything from God in these big areas other than that his Will be done? As I think about it, that actually sounds strangely like faith to me. And so while I still pray often and pray for very specific things, I've began to give more and more of my life to God for him to decide what's best. And so I simply pray, "Give me the job you want me to have and let me live where you want me to live. Just give me You." I know that sounds incredibly pious but its honestly what I'm feeling in my heart right now. In addition to what I talked about last week, this new attitude of faith has given me a lot more contentment in my life and allowed me to appreciate God's goodness more and more. So hopefully somewhere in this rambling blog entry you heard something that you could identify with or that was helpful to you. I feel very taken care of by God right now and that is a fantastic feeling that only makes me want more of Him.

Hola!!!

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome the first international visitor to my blog from SANTIAGO, CHILE!!! Hola me amigo, como esta? Mui bien, et tu? Si si!! Yo Ciero Taco Bell!!! I don't mean any of that to be offensive, it's just all the Spanish I know (or I guess, don't know). Anyways, welcome amigo...

This isn't to say we don't have any non-American visitors. Colbey, in fact, is from Mars!. But I don't know how to say 'hi' in Martian, so Hi Colbey!!!!

Profound Monotony

I'll lead this entry off with a quote from Oswald Chambers that JD sent to me about a week ago:

"Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship to God that shows itself amid the irrelevancies of human life. When you obey the call of Jesus Christ, the first thing that strikes you is the irrelevancy of the things you have to do, and the next thing that strikes you is the fact that other people seem to be living perfectly consistent lives."

My implication by this quote is not that I have, by any means, perfected my walk with God but, rather, that I resonate with this irrelevancy that he talks about. I'm struck by it on a fairly regular basis. I joke about the TPS reports I write and the Matrix that I plug into each day. I feel the apparent disconnect between what I do for eight hours each day and what I feel is my purpose in life.

But as of late, God has faithfully began to provide me with a more helpful way of looking at the same situation. Here's another quote I read the other day about brother Lawrence in the book, the practice of the presence OF GOD:

"Although he had a great dislike for kitchen work, he developed quite a facility for doing it over the fifteen years he was there. He attributed this to his doing everything for the love of God, asking as often as possible for grace to do his work. He said that he was presently in the shoe repair shop, and that he liked it very much. He would, however, be willing to work anywhere, always rejoicing at being able to do little things for the love of God."

This quote made me think, what if, instead of being here at work, I was on a spiritual retreat at a monastery with brother Lawrence (it sounds kinda silly but just go with me on this). In such a place I would know going in that the goal was to increase my intimacy with God and, to that end, I would first need to learn how to prepare myself for such intimacy. In such a context, it would make perfect sense to be tasked with something like washing dishes or scrubbing floors. These kind of simplistic tasks are designed not to challenge the mind with their complexity but to teach humility and simplicity. Theses tasks would leave ample space in one's mind to contemplate God, to quiet one's soul enough to actually feel the presence of God. Just this last weekend, I had the opportunity to help my church renovate our building by pulling carpet staples up from a stairway. This extremely monotonous task seemed to pose no problem for me. I rather enjoyed the opportunity to do something simple to serve God and to take the opportunity to talk with God about life.

With all of these thoughts swirling in my head, it occurred to me that I have been given some very similar "monastic tasks" at my current place of employment. But, in this space, I have not valued simplicity or the opportunity I have to contemplate and talk to God. I see it as a drudgery and I'm bitter for the whole experience.

So I've decided that a change of approach is necessary. Each morning, I have begun to ask God for patience, humility, and the grace to my job well out of love for him. During the day, I look forward to activities that leave much of my brain free to think about God and I look for opportunities to love and serve my coworkers.

I'm almost positive that at some point I blogged about my desire to find the Kingdom in this space. To pray and wait until I began to see God breaking into this place so that his presence is apparent to me and everyone. These recent thoughts have been very exciting to me as they represent a possible to answer to that prayer from God. Could such an attitude actually make it possible to turn this entire building into my own personal monastery? Surely this would signal God's entrance into this space - a breaking in of his Kingdom. This is pretty exciting for me. God has begun to infuse meaningless things with purpose and irrelevancy with its own importance. It's still so new, but I am experiencing a profound monotony here that has brought me a lot of joy and has almost immediately made my spirituality more provocative to those around me.

A Turning Point?

After six months (almost to the day) of being in Richmond, I feel like just recently I've been given some very important insight into things by God. While I don't have time to elaborate right now, I do plan on blogging several times this week about it. Pray, specifically about my thoughts on work and life in Richmond in general. These are the areas that I feel like God is very specifically speaking to me right now. It has gone to show me that finding insight from God can often be best described as "wrestling" with God. I don't think God does this for any frivoluous reason. Rather, I think the process of wrestling with God brings us into closer proximity with him than we may have been for quite a while.

These past few months of wrestling with God have been incredibly rewarding. My take-away and my encouragement to others is to not just walk up to God, ask him a question, and then walk away regardless of the answer (or lack thereof). But, rather, to pursue God. He will never run so fast as to not be caught, but he will run just fast enough for us to see in our hearts whether or not we are willing to seek him out. I know that may be a problematic statement for some people to digest. If it is, please post your thoughts. I'd love to have more conversation about this awesome topic.

More Time Than You Think

I just read the best article about Americans' use of time during the week. The article basically says that we have, on average, as much free time during the week as we have work time. Studies like this are great because they dispel the myth that Americans are too busy. Rather, it supports the fact that we're all just really good at wasting time. We're far too busy being stupified by our televisions (we average almost 3 hours a day) or doing something equally as trivial to engage in many other activities that would improve our (mental/physical/social/spiritual) conditions.

The take away for me is that we cannot passively manage our time and expect it to be spent well on a day-to-day basis. We must be active, even aggressive, in the way that we manage and protect our valuable time.

Testimony

I just posted four new pieces of poetry that I put together earlier this year. I've spent a lot of time this year reflecting on my story, this is just part of it put to art. It's called Testimony, feel free to check it out and the rest of the art I posted on the right of the page.

If you don't like The Office...what's wrong with you?!

If you haven't already seen The Office you need to check it out - Tuesdays at 9:30 on NBC

The Simplicity of Greatness

You know I was in the bathroom today (you know that's where you do all your thinking too) pondering the question, "What is greatness?" Of course, my thoughts on the throne are not always this deep but, at least for today, I was curious what caused great men and women to live the lives they lived. My answer to the question returned me to one of my favorite topics, priorities. It would seem to me that greatness is the wisdom and courage to set your priorities rightly. By rightly I mean that the things the are truly the most important are the things that are actually top of your list. Understanding what is truly important is where wisdom comes in. Courage comes in when actually try to live out our priorities because it will involve challenge. And so, whether or not you like my answer, if you were to ask me why there are so few "great people" in the world and in history I would say this: Most people in our world are neither wise nor couragous, some are one or the other, and very very few are both - and even then its hard to be both all the time. "What a dismal outlook on humanity!?!" you might respond - perhaps, I don't mean it to be but I just wanna be honest about what I see when I walk outside.

It really isn't that dismal though, I believe that greatness is entirely possible for every person, we just don't avail ourselves of the opportunity. I would even go so far as to say its simple - not easy, but simple. Jesus, in fact, made it his business, then and still today, to produce such people. Aside from the all the religous rules and regulations we typically ascribe to the soap box that Jesus stood on, he was really here for one simple purpose: to teach people to set their priorities correctly and give them the courage to live them out. We celebrate his life on Earth because, in it, he modeled what he taught. His priorities motivated him to come and live the life he did and his courage allowed him to live it out, even if it resulted in the cross.

Some people say that great people inspire them because they did what noone else could do. I think that's a pretty dismal thought. I would, rather, like to say that great people inspire me because they show me that greatness is possible. I pray for a world full of people that believe that greatness is possible in their own life. I pray in faith because I believe that will one day happen.

Keeping your "eye on the ball"

Just a short post to share something God told me yesterday. I have had a hard time lately getting my attitude right about certain things that I don't think are going very well. It's an interesting paradox because, in the midst of those few not-so-great things, most of my life is going better than I could have ever imagined. It was this last point that I believe gets lost in my own mind when I'm whinning about some small detail that doesn't go my way. It was during one of these times that I was complaining to God (which is alright to do, don't get the wrong idea) that he told me,

"You must never lose sight of your blessedness."

Like most times that God speaks to me in such a clear fashion, his word is simple but so true. In the midst of trying to make sense of my problems, I cannot cannot cannot forget how blessed I am by God in so many other ways. That's like ditching my life preserver as I'm trying to swim for land (I can't swim, so that would truly suck). Sometimes I feel like I'm almost constantly forgetting how good God is and I wonder if that makes it hard for him to keep being good to me - but that's grace and God can never be anything other than what he is - love. Take some time today with me to remember how much is good about your life. If everyone even tried to do this on a regular basis I think this world would be a very different place.

God and Jack

Okay, so I've discovered the remedy for a crappy attitude:

Step 1: Pray
Step 2: Listen to a Jack Johnson CD (it really doesn't matter which one)
Step 3: Blog about it

Do you ever get the feeling that your job is pointless? I dunno, I guess I just go through these times when I forget all the ways that I'm blessed and choose to dwell on the unfounded and unhelpful thoughts. This afternoon it will take discipline to steer my attitude in a helpful direction but sometimes thats what it takes. Just a short blog to let everyone know I'm still alive - alive and doing better than my blog would portray I promise ;-)

A Paradoxical Pursuit

These past several months, nearly all of my thoughts and learning have centered around my acclimation to all of the change in my life. I've graduated, gotten married, moved, left college, and started a career. And while absolutely none of the change in my life has been bad, change is just difficult. It is the pain of leaving familiar things and the effort (and sometime pain) of acclimating to new things.

But the question occurred to me the other day, why is change so hard? Why do we dislike it so much? One would think that in the world we live in, where everything is always changing and nothing stays the way it is, that we have at some point become accustomed to the constant flux of life. But this is not, and has never been, the case. The paradox is that we expect something from the world that was never promised us. We strive toward some constant stability that this world has really never offered. And yet we pursue it still. True some have largely given up on the quest for stability, saying they rather enjoy bouncing around life in all its newness but, probably more accurately, this is largely a resolution to the state of things around them than something they really had a choice over.

And so I contemplate in my own heart why change is so unnerving and uncomfortable. I think about where this desire comes from and where my heart could possibly hope to find what it desires. And so I've come to realize that we are, in fact, made for such constancy and stability but, as with many other things, we have been looking in the wrong places.

This is a perfect example of a larger issue I'll only briefly touch on here and perhaps write more about later. Built within each of us is most certainly a desire for the Person that created us. Think of a child's desire for their parents but much deeper than that. And so people will go about life convinced that they have no desire for God but still desire the things of God which, ironically, is the sum total of who he is (let he who has ears hear). Constancy and stability are some of those things of God that we almost universally desire. We have in Jesus a God that describes himself as a Rock, who calms storms and says that he is the beginning and the end all at the same time. He rises above all of the change and flux in our world to become the One that we can always count on above all others.

I still find it comical that, just to maintain our phony sense of independence, we would settle for cheep imitations rather than go to God and take what he offers. Thirsty and wandering in the desert, I, for one, will take the water setting in front of me and drink deeply. I know many that, for some reason, would rather eat sand - I know because I was once there. If I was made to desire the things of God I will no longer look for cheap imitations elsewhere. In the midst of all the change that I am now both enjoying and struggling to acclimate myself to, I find so much joy in the fact that the peace and constancy that I look for and need can always be found in the same Place.

Mondaze

Mental Note: Stop apologizing for not blogging in a while every time you blog.

It seems like these days I'm learning so much so fast but its taking a while for all that I'm learning to come together into focus and make a coherent picture. Perhaps that gives some measure into the depth of the things God is showing me right now. These last couple months have been challenging but I have a profound sense of gratitude toward God for taking me down this path.

This Monday had started like most do. My body is here doing work but my mind usually doesn't come into work till about noon. My mind met me for lunch today and hopefully I can convince it to keep me company for the rest of the afternoon. It seems like Mondays in particular, I feel more "ecclesiastical" than most days. By that I mean that I find a kindred spirit in Solomon as he endeavored in vain to find purpose in many of the things the world so passionately pursues. His conclusion in the end is that there is only God, nothing else under the sun matters.

Well thanks Solomon, that does me a whole hell of a lot of good as I sit at work motivating myself to write another TPS report. I'm not as jaded as I sound, I promise. But continuing Solomon's contemplation does seem like a worthy activity for the 90% of my brain I usually don't need during the day.

Forgive my candor but, much like David's psalms, feelings aren't always the truth but erring them goes a long way towards exposing them for what they are. As always, if you read this and my other thoughts on this page, you honor and encourage me by your patronage. Thanks.

Consider the Source

Well let me first apologize for taking ten years between posts. Life has continued to be an amazing learning experience with new knowledge and wisdom coming from some of the most unlikely of sources. It has, however, prompted me to reexamine who and where I am taking my advice and example from. This is what I wanted to write about today.

It seems like in our culture we have many people we would call "idols". We even have a show called "American Idol" that rolls around the country looking for new ones. We have ads that tell us to "be like Mike" and we can buy the jersey of our favorite athletes. We read their books and learn their life stories because, for us, there is something about them that we want to be true about us as well.

There is something missing in this, however, because our focus becomes too intent on merely this habit or that trait to the exclusion of the entire person. We oftentimes devalue the position an idol might have in our lives by leaving the post open to a myriad variety of not-so-worthy candidates. Did he or she have to compensate in some areas to become a star in others? Perhaps a man is the best in his field but he is a horrible husband and father. Perhaps a woman attained an incredible amount of power and leadership and yet lacks compassion or humility.

Would we still want to follow most of our idols if we really knew the whole story about them? Or, perhaps, is ignorance bliss? My personal rule of thumb and my encouragement today is to look at the entire person when looking for someone to admire and idolize. What I don't mean is look for perfect people because, by my count, there only been one of them (and he's an automatic on my list of idols for that and many other reasons).

Let me explain in fuller detail how I advocate this criteria. I would say that it is, arguably, true that just about anybody can be the best at just about anything if you sacrifice everything else for it. This goes back to a previous article where I asked if what you devote yourself to is worthy of the sacrifice. But even a worthy devotion (we're not even going to talk about unworthy devotions here) is not license to neglect every other area of your life. No, I think that holding all of one's passions and priorities in balance, seeing that all of them are attended to, and excelling there is infinitely harder than just picking one thing to the exclusion of the rest.

I want to see athletes that are faithful to their wives and good fathers to their children. I want to see women that can lead companies with power and grace. I want to see ministers that take as much time keeping their own lives in order as they do everyone elses'. I want to excel in my own field but never to the exclusion of my wife or my God. Even if I never am somebody's idol, I want to live that kind of life. And I wish that kind of life on every person because that quality of character and depth of life has always been our destiny. We should stop reserving that life for the people we see on TV and claim it for ourselves today.

But that's just my opinion...

This Grand Experiment

These past four months have definitely been some of the most interesting of my life. Over the course of one summer, I find myself in a vastly different place than I was just a season ago. Most everything that I knew and that was true about my life for the first 27 years is now different.

And so with such change there is to be expected a certain amount of adjusting that's in order. Change management involves missing where you've been and getting excited about where you are. Sometimes its beautiful and sometimes its messy. Change is hard and I can confidently attest to that now first-hand. But recently I've become suspicious. I've started to wonder if all of the difficultly I've had with my attitude and false thinking about my situation is simply me adjusting to change.

I'm starting to thing there's more going on...

I've made big goals for myself here in Richmond. Upon graduating and getting married, most people would be satisfied with getting along with their spouse and being able to pay their bills. Katie and I have ventured beyond, truly believing there is more to life and more to our purpose in Richmond than simply that. What we left in Blacksburg was more than school and a church we loved. We left comfort, we left purpose, we left belonging and satisfaction. What most people will spend their entire lives looking for, we found. And now God has asked us to leave it and refind it in this new place. Why would he do that? Because, in my experience, I don't know a single person that believes that it can be found in the life I'm now living.

I've worked and labored with many people in college that, whether they conciously admit it or not, believe that graduation is retirement from ministry. With a forty hour (or fifty or sixty, depending on who you ask) a week job, many people say I should be satisfied just giving to the church and letting the "professionals" do all the grunt work now. But the lie goes even deeper than that. What I see are people that really believe that true community and deep connection with other people simply impractical for the working person. They get up early for work and get home in time for dinner then bed. The weekends are reserved for errands and then I do it all over again. That may seem like a charactature of what people actually believe but I assure you its not that far from the truth. Somehow "growing up" has become a spiritual and social death sentence for many people.

And so Katie and I have begun a grand experiment to see if spiritual growth and ministry and deep intimate community are still possible in the work world. Have we really just plugged into the Matrix or is more really possible? We're not alone in this endeavor by any means (so as not to sound too overly heroic in this endeavor) but it can sure feel like it sometimes.

But it is in the midst of this that I have had the hardest time keeping my attitude positive and my thoughts truthful about the situations I find myself in. Its as if my mind is being sabatoged in an effort to short circuit our efforts to unplug from the Matrix. I feel attacked and I feel opposed. Many will cynically reject the idea of spiritual warfare as superstituion but, to be sure, we do have an enemy that's come to kill and destroy any effort we make toware "life to the fullest".

My final conclusion on the matter (at least for now) is that Katie and I must be on to something. Because I see now other reason for such a viscous attack on my mind and my heart. Whatever we're on the presipous of discovering must be a dangerous truth - the fact that life is possible, here and anywhere Jesus is. This, in my estimation, may be the most dangerous truth in the world because of how radically it would change our lives if we believed it.

What I believe in theory, I'm starting to believe in practice. Lies are being undermined by experiences to the contrary. And I feel a momentum about the whole thing (kind of like at the top of a roller coaster, just before you tip over the peak) that excites me even in the midst of trial. Pray for us during this time, us and everyone else that's taken part in this grand experiment.

Stay tuned....

The One Man Curriculum

Sorry I haven't written in a while. As of my last post I've been working on some of my "least used tools" and have been doing more listening than writing. Being a good student has always taken a tremendous amount of effort. Sometimes the simplest things, like sitting down and just listening to the teacher, can seem so difficult to do. I've learned a lot over the last week about my attitude and thought life. How so much of my circumstances, while most out of my direct control, can be positively or negatively affected by my attitude toward them.

It was in the midst of learning all of this that I took a second this morning to reflect on Jesus the Teacher. How he was there when I was very much a spiritual baby, as far as my talent and knowledge was concerned, and how he is still here today. I didn't start with one teacher then graduate on to another. Nope, I began with Jesus, I'm still with Jesus, and I'll always be with Jesus. He will always be my one and only Teacher no matter how much I ever grow or learn. He'll always have more to teach me and his example to me will never be less compelling than it is.

It's those last two points that have struck me this morning. I've found a Teacher that has yet to even scratch the surface of what he has to show me and I find that extremely exciting. I've also find a Teacher that has always practiced what he teaches, and his example is profound and powerful enough to deserve my entire life's passion. I consider myself extremely fortunate to be able to follow Jesus. I don't hear his followers saying that enough. The Master has given us a full scholarship to this profound life institution he has set up and we often look at the opportunity with a yawn and a sigh. So I say it again, I feel like the luckiest man in the world to be able to know Jesus and learn from him. And every venue I have to state that fact, I plan on doing so - starting with this blog and moving out into the world that I find myself in.

Today I praise God because he is more worthy of praise than anything this world has to offer. Amen.

The Least Used Tools

Somewhere along your journey with God, you may have already realized that one of his preferred roles is that of teacher or trainer. To follow Jesus is to essentially apprentice him in how to live life. Just like any apprentice, you learn a lot of the main skills you will need fairly early on since they are the most common tasks you will do. But as you apprentice longer, you learn some of the more obscure tasks necessary in only special or unique situations. It's not enough to say that these situations don't happen much, therefore I won't learn the skills necessary to handle them. No, it is good to know what you would or should do in the event they do come up.

Jesus speaks of many such virtues, the ability to love and the ability to forgive. These we definitely have the opportunity to use everyday. There are other virtues that Jesus taught about that many of us do not regularly have the opportunity to use. Jesus talks about loving your enemies and praying for them. We all think such a thought is very noble but, in reality, we oftentimes don't have an immediate application to this. I may have people that I don't care for, but I wouldn't necessarily call them "enemies" of mine. Or when Jesus tells us to "turn the other cheek" when responding to ridicule or abuse. I'm fortunate enough not to face this on a constant basis but what happens when I do? Will I prepared to respond to that in the manner that Jesus, my mentor, would have me?

The first time something like this happens, we are often unequipped for it. What did you do the first time you realize you really do have an "enemy", someone that actively works toward your misfortune. Or what did you do the first time someone ridiculed you in front of others? You may still be in the process of overcoming some of these things. It may still take some time for us to respond to situations like this in a Godly manner. But when you finally do begin to respond in such a way, when you begin to see victory in these situations, many of us feel a profound sense of closure about that virtue. We think, "Well God, I'm glad we figured that lesson out. Now lets leave that and move onto the next thing." And we pack that lesson away into our box of "life tools" expecting (or at least hoping) to never have any need for it again.

So it sometimes comes as a suprise when a very similar situation arises some time later. You know this situation, you've faced something like it before. But will you respond to it the way you did before; could you possibly even respond better? And so we dig that tool out of the bottom of our tool box to see what kind of condition it's in. Many times we find that we're a little rusty in our handling of it or that the tool has become a little dull. It doesn't take an incredible amount of time to get it back in working order but we feel inconvenienced for having to do so. It feels like we're retaking a class we already finished and we question the Teacher over the wisdom of this. Frustrated, we ask God, "Why am I having to deal with this again? I learned what I needed to learn the last time so what's the purpose of dealing with it again now?"

Perhaps I'm rambling, but this is I'm feeling right now. Praying for my enemies and responding to ridicule in a Godly way is not something I've never done but its not something I do often. I struggle to find purpose in this. It's like having to take a test again just to see if you'd get the same score. But, reluctantly, I am beginning to see the purpose in the Teacher's ways. These aren't skills that I can just acquire and then just discard. I not only have to keep them, but I have to keep them in good repair. While I'm working on one part of my character, I don't want to neglect another part and see it atrophy. These virtues may be some of my least used tools but they are no less important because of it. They are no less a part of who I am and can just as easily lead to my undoing if I let them fall into disrepair.

And so I find myself in a place I haven't been for a while. Praying for people who I'm sure aren't praying for me and turning the other cheek till I run out of cheeks for them to strike. The Teacher may not have caused this situation to arise but, rest assured, he's using it to teach me something that will eventually make me a Master Life Liver. That's my goal, not comfort, not security, just him - I wanna be like him.

Choosing Your Cross Wisely

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

This is a famous quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer on the nature of following Christ. It's famous, I believe, because it stands in vast contrast to the contemporary perception of what it means to be a Christ follower. And so while Jesus himself can say very pointedly that, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me," many of his followers still think that choice is somehow involved when it comes to living a sacrificial life.

Now don't get me wrong, there is choice involved but the misconception is in where that choice lies. This misconception is not only reserved to Christ followers either. In fact, this misconception is the one of the main reasons many non-Christians don't follow Christ. I would say that people are mistaken into thinking that they can choose whether they will live a sacrificial life or not when the real question is what you will sacrifice for.

This my rather long-winded way of stating that everyone will sacrifice their life for something and your choice, whether you feel like you have that choice or not, is to pick what that will be. To sacrifice your life for something is to devote yourself to one thing to the detriment of all other things - it is the proverbial cross you have chosen to carry. Most of the time all of the "other things" may not necessarily feel neglected. But when those things come into competition with that which you devote yourself to, the other things will loss out.

It may not be immediately apparent what your proverbial cross is but I believe with most assurance that you do have one whether you know it or not. And once we have reframed the argument from whether you will sacrifice to what you will sacrifice to, some really interesting conversations can happen. The fundamental question really centers around whether you are sacrificing your life for the right thing. This is a subjective question and only you have the perogative to answer that (because it was your choice, in the first place, what that thing was).

The second question that can then emerge is whether what you are devoting yourself to is really worthy of such a sacrifice. More often than not, its been my observation that people devote themselves to things that are not really worthy of such a sacrifice - they've either undervalued their own life or overvalued what they are devoting themselves to. And its not just that people have been asking these questions and coming up with the wrong answer; I think they have never even bothered to think about it in the first place. The questions have never been asked at all.

These questions are probably worth our effort and time though. They concern themselves with the ultimate point and goal of our life. And while every worthy devotion will ask for your entire life, not everything that asks for your entire life is worthy. In Christ, we follow a God that thought long and hard about the sacrifice that he made for us. On the night he was betrayed he sat in a garden and asked these very questions. And when he got up to face his accusers we know by that action that he considered that which he was passionate about was worth his life. In Scripture it says that he carried our transgressions and died on a tree for our sins - so that we would separated from God no longer. In the garden, Jesus decided that being with you was worth dying for. The cross is his resounding "YES".

We have a incredible example of sacrifice to follow in Jesus. A valuable question to ask today is not whether we will sacrifice but, rather, is what we're sacrificing for more worthy of our lives than Jesus is. The weight of his life and his sacrifice makes it hard to answer that question in the affirmative but that, of course, is up to each of us to decide.

Rain

Its rainy in Richmond this morning. It's one of the first rainy days we've had this summer and for whatever reason as I sat here this morning reading the Bible, I looked out the window and thought about Blacksburg. I guess I remember sitting in Bollos so many mornings when it would rain like this and I would stare out that window and think about life, same as I did today. It's funny that something apparently quite random could trigger such nostagalia in my heart but I guess that's what made it home, the tiny, supposedly insignificant things.

I've spent the last couple months feeling like I couldn't miss Blacksburg. I felt like if I gave into that emotion I would somehow trap myself in a memory to the detriment of the life I am now living - which is equally amazing in its own right. The life I'm living now is amazing, Katie, Richmond, Commonwealth (our new church), even my job. This is my life now and this is home even if it doesn't completely feel that way yet. Until this place starts to feel completely like home, I guess I should expect to miss Blacksburg from time to time and I guess that's not such a bad thing. Maybe missing my old home is a way to celebrate all that I love about that place - the town, the school, my church, my incredible friends. None of its gone, its just less prevalent in my day-to-day reality now.

So if you're reading this you'll have to forgive my ramblings. I'm moving from one awesome reality to a new, equally awesome, reality and I'm trying to get my head around this. I think I'll just sit here and watch the rain for a while.

The Discipline of Excitement

As always, JD was gracious enough to comment on my recent post and he made a good point. So, just to recap, our excitement in following God has more of an influence on our world than any of our clever arguments or slogans BUT, and this was JD's point, being and staying excited on a day-to-day basis is "freakn' hard sometimes dude!" (that's not a quote from JD but that's how I imagine him saying it if he were here right now :-) Oh how true that is JD, I, for example, had a rotten day last Thursday (I mean it was not very good at all) but the next day I was on top of the world (partially because it was friday). So perhaps complete and total on-top-of-the-worldness is a little hard every single day of our lives but its also equally true that, with a more disciplined thinking on the matter, it can less the exception and more the rule of our lives. And that is what God always intended.

To many people, the words "excitement" and "discipline" probably don't seem like they go together very well. In our minds we might think that discipline is required for running or dieting or driving less than 70 mph on the way to work. But discipline can be applied to the emotional aspects of our lives as well. Looking a little closer, the discipline of excitement involves a combination of the heart and the eyes. It is concerned with how you choose to see life and how you choose to feel about life - the operative word being "choose". And that so-called choosing is done with our mind. So if you think of your heart and eyes as a ship, let's call it the USS Attitude (it's cheesy, I know), then your mind would be the rudder. So oftentimes, in situations that we may classify as less than desirable, our natural inclination is to plot a pessimistic course for our heart and our mind to follow that does little to remedy anything.

Some people might tend to think that what I just described is not disciplined excitement or joy but just simply wishful thinking - that is not the case. Disciplined excitement or joy is different from denial because it can recognize a crap situation for what it is. But what it does do is dictate how I respond to that crap situation - that is the one part of a situation that I always have control over.

At first, controlling our response to situations may indeed seem contrived or fake but that it only because our natural tendencies have taken us a far different course for so long. But just as in any training, it will eventually become habit. Now I am by no means a master at this but what a blessing it would be to habitually look at life in a hope-filled, excited, joyous manner?!

I'm writing this at my desk at 8:25 in the morning. My day officially starts in about five minutes and today I'm going to practice what I preach. I'm going to exercise my attitude and work to see and respond to things in a way that is helpful. I'm going to act as if God is glorified most through my smile. Because perhaps the grandest experiment we could undertake on a daily basis is to live in world that feels well justified in its pessimism, rise above it, and see if others follow.

An Epidemic of Excitement

When I say the word "epidemic", what images or thoughts come to your mind? There are, perhaps, many different things that you might think of. I would think the most common notion that might come to mind would be something having to do with a highly contagious disease of some sort. And if you checked out the dictionary, this would be the first definition that came up. But "epidemic" has a wider meaning that is more helpful to us here. Other definitions talk about a rapid spreading, growth, or development - the operative words being first "rapid" which characterizes the action and then "spreading" and its synonyms which denote what action is taking place. An example of an epidemic we may all remember is what happened in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Generally, we saw first an epidemic of fear as we all wondered what had happened and what was going to happen. Not too long after that we saw an even greater epidemic of patriotism as Americans decided what their response would be to this attack on our nation. We see this latter epidemic evidenced by not only the sale of American flags but, even more importantly, how politics, culture, and even sports seemed to pause and acknowledge that something more significant was happening. Partisan politics were put aside, MTV put all their sexual and frivolous programming on hold, and sports took the weekend off.

With a clearer understanding of what an epidemic is in a more general sense, I can use a lighter example to elaborate further. Moving to Blacksburg, VA in the fall 1996, I was already a fan of football from years of growing up in Redskin country. But in Blacksburg, I learned the difference between a passing interest in football and a passion for Hokie football. Home games would turn this simple, southwest Virginian college town into a rabid, screaming, raging throng of humanity bent on Hokie world domination. Roads shut down and every green piece of grass becomes a parking lot. And as Metallica begins to blare out of the stadium speakers, 60,000 people in unison start jumping up and down and begin a chant of screaming and yelling sustained for the next three hours nonstop. If you are a football fan, this is absolute paradise, but the point is it doesn't matter if were a fan or not. You can't help but get caught up in the excitement flowing around you.

So now with that image in your head, let me finally ask you a question - have you ever met a Christian that was so excited about God that it made you want to know more about him? In my experience I've met plenty of Christians that genuinely love God with all their heart, but most of this love is manifest in a solemn obedience that could be characterized as "happy" but rarely rises to the level of "excited". A couple of weeks ago I called this the "dim life".

So does this mean that God is boring or the people that follow him? I'd tend toward the latter. Even a casual reading of Genesis or John will show that God is a wild man and that following him (read Acts) is anything but boring. Jesus came to demonstrate to us a quality of life that shines with an excitement that catches peoples' attention and draws them to God. Jesus put it this way when he talked about our lives:

You are the light of the world--like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. - Matthew 5:14-16 (NLT)

After years and years, Christians still are under the impression that we can bagger or legislate this world into coming to Christ - we hoped that would work because that's the easy way! For all of our well formed arguments and clever slogans, it is the passionate practice of the Gospel, and that alone, that will inspire an epidemic of excitement about Christ to sweep across our world. Because most times it's not their questions that they find are unanswerable but the answers that they find unacceptable. But finding something hard to believe does not by that virtue alone make it inherently untrue. Ultimately, it must and will be our practice that they find irresistible.

For one can only debate the concept of light until the sunrise - so shine!

Balcony View

Finally, finally, finally, I got to sit down and upload some pictures of the view from our balcony this morning. Sitting on our balcony, this is the view of the city we have in the daytime and at night. I'm partial to the night view. It honestly blows me away to sit there an look over the city I want so desperately to impact and serve. Out there is a city of amazing history and future potential that has been hindered by so many social ills including poverty and racism. I strongly believe that God is in the process of doing something amazing in this city and I'm excited at the possability that Katie and I could be a part of that.

"Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." - Habakkuk 1:5

The Dim Life

As kind of an sequel to my last post (Shine), I was reading and thinking the other day and it occurred to me what the consequence of living a "dim life" really is. To say we follow Christ and yet live a dim life is really a dichotomy in terms that people that don't follow Christ recognize. People honestly expect something to be different about our lives, many perhaps even hope there's something different about our lives. When there is not, it not only says something about us but, unfortunately, it says something about the God we follow. In his book, The Spirit of the Disciplines, Dallas Willard says it this way, "How many people are radically and permanently repelled from The Way by Christians who are unfeeling, stiff, unapproachable, boringly lifeless, obsessive, and dissatisfied?" The point is that our dim lives not only make following Christ look bad but it makes leading a sinful life look good!

Therein lies all of the dangers of leading a dim life. First, as Paul says of the Jews in Romans 2:24, God's name is looked down upon as a consequence of our actions. Second, our actions actually make sin more attractive to the world. And lastly, but certainly not least, we loss out on the quality of life Jesus modeled for us and said was available to us today.

My plan is to take the rest of the summer to think about how attractive God looks to the people that know my life. Do the people that see me everyday grow in their interest of the God that motivates my lifestyle, or do they grow in their apathy of my religion? These are tough questions for sure, but God forbid we ever make something this beautiful so ugly - that would be the ultimately tragedy.

Shine

Picture a lightbulb just barely glowing, the filament giving off just the slightest hint of orange light. Now what if I held up a second lightbulb that was completely off, giving off absolutely no light, and then I ask you if the first lightbulb was 'on' or 'off'. What would you say? Most likely, compared to the second buld which was completely off, you'd say the first was 'on'. Now what if I held up a third lightbulb that shined so bright that the contores of the bulb were not even distinguishable because of the glow. Now would you say the first lightbulb is 'on' or 'off'?

The correct answer is that it depends. If the entire range of a lightbulb's capabilities were between the first and the second then the first would certainly be on. But if the first lightbulb had the potential to shine as bright as the third then we would probably be right to say that, in its present state, that bulb is by all rights off.

With all that in mind, lemme ask just one last question. Is it possible to be living but still not be alive? Everyday we are surrounded by people with a pulse but hardly anything that could be called a very lively life. Since when did our lives get so boring that we sit down in front of the TV and watch other people live their lives?! True we're not dead, but many of us, Christians included, never come close to the quality of life we have the potential of experiencing. Jesus said this when he said, "I came to give you life - life to the fullest." He came not only to save us from going to hell when we die, but to model a quality of life that we could take on and model to the world - now. Jesus would look at the quality of many of our lives and says that's not life at all.

Jesus calls us the light of the world and tells us not to hide our light but shine like a city set on a hill. Would people look at our life and want it? More importantly, would people look at our life and want to know Jesus more? So how do we begin to achieve this quality of life Jesus says is possible? Your passions, your attitude, the rhythm of your day-to-day life - all of these things play into it but there is no simple answer. Jesus does get us a long way there when he said to "seek first the kingdom of heaven, and all these things will be added to you."

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. This is the kind of life I want to live. I'd invite you to think about it as well and feel free to leave your comments.

Spirituality at the Speed of Life

So my goals of regular blogging have been somewhat stifled as of late but I am going to make it a goal to post at least once on the weekends at the very least. I will build back up to more posts from there. On to the update...

Katie and I finished our first week of work a day ago and it went really well. I'm working as a Software Consultant for Captech Ventures and Katie is a Leasing Consultant for Bramblewood Estates. God has blessed both of us with incredible companies that are really doing well. Captech has about 100 employees and plans to hire around 20 more people this year alone! Beacon Residencial, the company that owns Bramblewood Estates, continues to acquire new property all over the region as well. Katie spent her first week learning the ropes at the property while I spent my week learning the ropes at Captech and waiting to hear where my first client would be. On Friday, I received word that I would be going down to work for CapitalOne on the south side of the city. It's about a 20 minute commute (a little long) but I will be doing some Project Management which is what I wanted to learn more about anyways. I start there on Monday so I'm excited to see how it goes.

We also just came from our third Sunday at Commonwealth Chapel. What an amazing community. I've been interacting with their pastor, Rob, for several months but today was his first "official" Sunday there as their new pastor. My favorite thing about their community (other than the fact that they genuinely love God and each other) is the diversity of the church. There are babies there and 80 year olds, blacks, whites, latinos, college students, singles, newlyweds, families, and all sorts of other flavors of humanity - its awesome! I met a woman last week who sat behind me that had gone to that church for over 50 years!!! The worship is great and Rob is a great communicator. Katie and I were going to spend the summer church shopping before we decide on a church but the more we go here, the more I don't want to check out any other churches. I still think we will check out some other churches but am starting to think that this is where God might want us to be.

Starting with Week 2 of work tomorrow, I am hoping we can start to develop a routine, or weekly rhythm. We have two nights planned to do social stuff, probably one or two nights where Katie and I will get out of the house and do something, and a night or two of just vegitating around the apartment. I can't yet say that I feel swept away by the speed of life, that I feel helpless to really do anything but come home from work and just go to bed to do it all over again - frankly, I don't think this is the inevitability everyone swore it would be for us. By the end of the year I fully expect to be back in ministry doing my best to serve at whatever church we feel called by God to call home. I fully expect to get with God today, tomorrow, and everyday, same as I have for a while. Life does fly by at a pretty incredible rate but I hold to my belief that you make time for the things that are truly important to you. That with a little optimism and forethought about how you want to spend your week, spirituality is possible at this, and every, speed of life.

Too good to be true?

After what seems like an eternity, I am finally able to sit down and blog. After graduating, getting married, going on my honeymoon, and moving to Richmond, I have finally settled in my apartment to begin this new chapter in my life - which I now share with my wife Katie! I still wouldn't describe life at this point as "calm", perhaps maybe "subdued chaos", but now I can actually see calmness rising over the horizon emitting a light of peace I am beginning to feel the warmth of.

This entire experience, by that I mean the last month of my life and also the last six years or so following God, has brought me in regular contact with the concept of "too good to be true." Is that last statement actually possible? I will say that my present experience is so absolutely amazing that it does seem surreal sometimes. But the more I've thought about it over the years, "too good to be true" has turned out to be a cynical, and ultimately baseless, outlook on life. This is especially true if your worldview includes an infinite loving God like the One I am utterly convinced does, in fact, exist (without God, such a statement could make absolute sense-but that's for another blog). The even more remarkable fact is that in the Kingdom of God, which Jesus spoke so often about, this "absolutely amazing" quality of life that I am currently experiencing is what in kingdom-speak would be called "normal". Jesus calls this "life to the fullest" and tells us that his purpose in coming to earth is to give access to and model such a life. In fact, anything short of absolutely amazing in the Kingdom is odd. According to God, normalcy is found in the miraculous, joy is the rule, and love is a law more reliable than gravity. And in the world we live in it is possible to experience in part what we will one day experience in all its fullness.

Sitting here tonight, I've now come to believe the opposite about what I once believed about life - most things in this world are "too bad to be true." And even now, as I look ahead beyond the horizon of my present experience, I know that tough times and trials will lay ahead. But as I experience those times I will be resolute in my belief that they, in no way, bear any resemblance to the Kingdom I am ultimately journeying toward.

That's not just optimism - it's realism in its most profound sense.

Unreasonable Dreams and Profound Realities

Faith requires us to be unreasonable in our demands upon the future. (adapted from G.B.Shaw)

It takes absolutely no vision to predict the obvious. Very little excitement can be expected if you look forward to the guaranteed. True visionaries, the profoundly non-boring of our society, have cursed the infernal concept of 'impossibility' and damned it to hell where it belongs. Why should there not be more of an impassioned hatred of such a concept; of things that hold us back, kill our dreams, and enslave our desires?

To hate such things is to find a common enemy with God. Noone has seen more casualties caused by a lack of vision than God. Over the course of eons, He's seen much of his creation fall short of their actual potential. But if our destiny has been stolen from us, we need not shake our fist toward heaven but, rather, punch the mirror in rage. If we dream small, we have ourselves to thank for small accomplishments and small lives. We are the fools with nowhere to shift the blame.

'Dream' is a verb, it's an action we take. A decision that we choose to make. We honor God by realizing the potential He's given us. In fact, apart from him we can never realize our full potential. Let us look down at the valley of slain desires and broken dreams and decide today that we'll take the high road. Wake up(!) and make your wildest dreams a destination today.

Neighbors and Strangers

I'd like to say that I've never met a stranger. And many days, I can honestly say that this is the case. I walk by people just like me and whether or not I know their name, I can identify with their experience. I can see the looks on their faces and I know that I've honestly felt the same way they feel at some point in my own life. I see a look of happiness and I'm happy for them. I see sadness or worry and my heart goes out to them. I see people and I can tell they're lonely and my heart aches for them. I believe this the way we were meant to feel even though we live in a world that tells us otherwise. We live in a world that tells us that strangers are of little consequence to us unless they get in our way or we can get something from them. And I don't always feel this way, but sometimes I can look at a person and know how enormously valuable that person is; that there is an amazing story in that person just like my own life is an amazing story. They live with past hurts, present hopes, and future dreams. That there are people in their life, who I also don't know, who they love very much and who love them very much.

And, for just a second, I stop rushing about my day and I notice the people around me. The cardboard cutouts rushing by become actual people and I feel a strange sense of care for people that I couldn't know the first thing about. This is what I think Jesus meant when he told us who our "neighbor" should be. Why he told the stories he told. And why he personally did the things he did. Jesus never ever met a stranger. Not only because he's God and knows everyone (that a given :-) but because he simply never treated anybody like a stranger. What an amazing example to follow! In a world that makes such kindness seem impractical I hope we can be a counterculture of love to a world that needs to know that it is loved.

And the goods news just keeps rolling in...

Well I figure celebrities make all their official announcements on their webpage so maybe us normal folks can too! Five days after getting my PhD I interviewed for, got offered, and accepted a position with CapTech Ventures, Inc. I HAVE A JOB! JOB JOB JOB!!!

With each thing, it's getting harder and harder to deny God's hand in my life. If it were just one thing or another, maybe you could say I was just a really hard worker. If the timing wasn't so perfect, you might be able to say that I'm really lucky. But this true-life Forrest Gump story is getting a little too good for their not to be Someone guiding the story. I have only one hope in life, that my story would cause people to give God a second, third, or fourth look. I strive to be a man pointing up.

Dr. Jason S. Snook

Yes, it is official. I passed my final defense and I have my PhD in Computer Science. Getting my PhD is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life - then one month later I get married. I really don't how I feel right now except to say this is an amazing life God has blessed me with. Since I started following him, he's inspired me to pursue greater and greater visions of what I could become. In one month I'm going to get my PhD, get a job (hopefully), get married (definitely), and move to Richmond. Its going to be hard to top 2005!

The Open Hand and The Extended Hand (part 3 of 3)

First of all, sorry for the lack of posts lately. This pesky dissertation has proven to be a bigger drain of time that it deserves to be. The last two story are only loosely related to each other. As each of them says at the beginning, they have to do with the knowledge of the kingdom of God - the good and bad things that happen with the people entrusted with that knowledge.

The first story was about a man who was consumed with his acquisition of "food" to the detriment of all other concerns - even the sustination of the people he was called to lead/serve. The second story was of a couple with a desire to give/sell their food but were unable to prepare and serve it in a form that was apatizing or palatable. The first lacked the desire to give, the second the ability. Both of these stories are as much a commentary of things I'm guilty of as it is of other Christ followers that I've observed. Let me explain each a little more fully.

The first story about the prince really characterized to me the mature Christian with a genuine love for God and desire to know him more. This Christian is characterized by the open hand, an earnest desire to recieve from God the knowledge and insight he makes available to us. There's a danger in this as well though because, while our personal walks with God are of first importance, this Christ follower can become so preoccupied with their pursuit of more knowledge about God that they forget there's a whole world out there that doesn't even know him. We should be careful that while we feed ourselves on the riches of Christ's blessing that we don't forget there's a world starving to death for the same. The canabalism at the end of the story was an intended element because I see our world, for lack of the knowledge that we hold so dearly, eating each other live in the pursuit of an alternative.

The second story characterizes another danger the mature Christian can face. The couple in the story represents Christ followers with a genuine love for God and desire to share the knowledge of God with others. This Christian is characterized by the extended hand. Unlike the prince, the couple recognizes that love is meant to be shared. Characteristic of many people that are passionate about something, they desire to share that passion with others. Their committment is admirable and their sacrifice is real and genuine, but they mistake their passion for sharing God with the actual ability to do so. With as much planning that went into picking a site for the tavern and buying the best food, the couple took shortcuts when it came to learning to prepare the food in a way that would apatizing and palatable to others. Characteristic of the tavern owners in the story, many Christ followers are eager to share a Gospel they have taken little time to know and understand themselves. This does not speak to the new Christian who, by virtue of their newness to the faith, shares what they do know even as they learn more. Such a new Christian should not be discouraged from doing so and should not wait till they "know enough" to start sharing the Good News of Christ. This story has more to do with the so-called mature Christian that have followed Christ for a while but has difficulty seeing people respond when they share what they know about Christ.

The reason why "evangelism" has been largely impotent in America for several decades now is that Christians got too focused on the packaging to the exclusion of the message. For all the slogans and diagrams we teach, many Christians have a very shallow understanding of what the Gospel is and what it means in practice. I worry that Paul might be talking about us sometimes when he says, "They want to be teachers of the law, by they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm." (1 Tim. 1:7) We would do well to put down our books on evangelism and pick up the Bible for a while. In the same breath I'd say that we as a church must find new, fresh, and creative ways to communicate what we know of Christ. But, again, this can only spring from a deep personal understanding of the Gospel.

In short, as I understand it, the Christian walk is characterized by the open hand and the extended hand. A mature Christian must desire not only knowledge (Phil. 3:10) but also the ability to share it (Eph. 6:19-20).

I sincerely hope this thought came out half way understandable. I'm pretty darn fried right now from disseration defense prep. Please pray for me as a I gear up for that.

The Open Hand and The Extended Hand (part 2 of 3)

So that first part of this parable was a little long and the title confused some people too. But bear with me, I'm a rookie parable writer and this is only the second of *three* parts. If its any consulation, the title should make sense in part 3 (I hope). This second parable is actually a prequel to the first. So perhaps the knowledge of the Kingdom of God is like a woman and her husband who decided to sell all they had to open a tavern the center of the town that they lived in. Both of them had a passion for food and wanted nothing more than to share that passion with other people. Over the course of their life, they had been to many other taverns and eaten many different types of food. After frequenting the different taverns around town for quite a while they had decided they wanted to try to open their own. They went out into the town and scoped out prime locations for the tavern. They eventually found a store front for sale right in the town square. It was expensive and they'd have to sell their house to be able to buy it, but they were passionate about opening up this tavern. They were willing to make sacrifices to see their passion through. With the store front bought, they put together a very thoughtful business plan for the first couple years. They bought furniture and a sign for the front with the money they had left over. And, oh yea, who could forget about the food?! They went out to the market and stocked the shelves with all they would need. One of the last things they did was pick up a couple cookbooks and made a menu based of off them. Their of them had actually cooked much since they went out all the time to eat. But they had eaten enough food, been to enough tavern, and most importantly, they were passionate about opening up their tavern - how could they go wrong?!

The day finally came when it was time to open the tavern for business. It was a Monday, and the town square was bustling with workers in search of a lunchtime meal. So the woman opened up the doors and announced to the people in the square that they were open! One man that was walking by shrugged his shoulders and strolled in, sitting down at a table by the front window.

"Our first customer?!" The woman thought to herself as she walked up to his table. She greeted the man and took his order, hurrying back to her husband in the kitchen to relay the message to him. The man grabbed his trusty cookbook, found the recipe, looked at it for a while, and then began to busily put the meal together. After several minutes, the man slide the meal onto a plate and announced to his wife that it was ready. She grabbed the plate and proudly brought it over to their first customer.

"You are our first customer," she stated proudly as she set the plate down in front of him. She waited patiently as he took his first bite hoping for a favorable response. Instead, the man's face grimaced as he chewed on the food and gulped it down. "This is horrible! I've never tasted food this bland in my life," the man exclaimed. The woman was taken quite by surprise at his response. "That was a little rude, sir, don't you think," said the woman. "Hardly ma'am, in fact I think I was being polite," he stated rather matter-of-factly as he got up and walked out of the tavern.

The woman was discourage by the customer's response but she finally reasoned to herself that he was just being rude. Just then, another customer came through the door. With renewed hope, she strode over to the man and took his order. Unfortunately, the response was the same. Disgusted at the taste of the food, this man also left the tavern without paying. "What is going on," the woman thought to herself, "We have a great tavern and only the finest ingredients. It must be my husband, he's just a horrible cook!" Resolved in her mind that this was the case, she stormed into the kitchen, ripped the spatula from her husband's hand, and sent him out to take orders. Unfortunately, this didn't help any. The next woman that walked in the tavern left as soon as she tasted her food, same as the first two customers.

The day proceeded like this till it was finally closing time and they had only made a few very small sales. "This is horrible! At first I just thought the customers were being rude. Then I just thought that you were a horrible cook," the woman said to her husband, "but now I'm beginning to think that to food that we bought at the market must be bad!" The next day, the couple angrily returned all of the food they had bought and got new batches of everything. Sadly, this had no effect. Customers continued to leave their tavern unsatisfied until the customers didn't come at all. After just a month, the couple was forced to close the tavern. They were devastated by the failure of the tavern and continued to be at a lose for why the customers had been so dissatisfied. Let s/he who has ears hear this, my second story.

This is the end of the second parable. The next posting will be an interpretation of them. Until then, post your thoughts on the stories. What does the 'food' represent? What do you think these stories are trying to say? All of this, including the title, will hopefully make more sense after the next post.

The Open Hand and The Extended Hand (part 1 of 3)

I was feeling a little creative after my last story, so here is a series of two more parables and then an explanation. Feel free to post your thoughts as each part is posted.

To what could I liken the knowledge of the Kingdom of God? Perhaps it could be like a prince who loved food. He loved food in all its forms and flavors. He was a true connoisseur. Food from every part of the world, in all of its various array. Time between meals, when he was neither preparing, cooking, or eating, was an agony to him. Nothing else held his passion as food did.

One day the prince was walking through his enormous pantry reflecting on his love for food when he had an idea. He would make it his goal to collect all the food in the land for himself! After all the only thing better than food was more food!

And so it came to pass that the prince ordered all of his servants to go out into the land and collect for him all of the food that was there. His servants went off and began to bring back enormous amounts of food. Cart after cart rolled through the doors. The prince quickly filled his pantry till there was hardly any room to walk. After it was full, he ordered his servants to fill the basement, and when that was full to fill the spare bedrooms.

Slowly the train of food coming in through his doors began to wane till his servant proudly marched through the door with the last loaf of bread he could find. The prince was beaming with excitement. He took the last loaf from his servant and held it over his head. "With this last loaf you have brought me," he proclaimed, "I will start my feast in celebration of my goal being realized!" And so, for the next seven days the prince began to feast on the food he had amassed. Day and night he ate till he fell asleep on the table. Upon waking up he would order more food brought to him and he would begin to feast anew. At the end of seven days, the prince was euphoric. He reclined in his chair, his belly and pantry still stuffed full of food. "What more noble an accomplishment," he thought to himself, "than to be the sole proprietor and protector of all the food in the land!"

As he lay there, his stomach groaned under the strain of all the food. "Perhaps a walk would aid in my digestion," he theorized, "I will walk to the town and tell the people of my accomplishment so they can rejoice with me!" Fat and happy, the prince put on his cloak and waddled out his door and down the road. As he walked down the road toward the town the prince looked up at the clear blue sky and filled his lungs with the cool air. The sun was especially bright to his eyes since he hadn't been outside in over a week. It'd been even longer since he'd been in town.

Breathing deep, the prince's nose caught wind of something that was anything but fresh. As he walked, his eyes finally came upon what his nose had already discovered. Laying there was a man face down in the center of the road. The flies had already found him. The prince ran wide and away from the man horrified at the sight. "What has happened," the prince's voice trembled, "surely someone should have come upon that man days ago and taken him away." His grief deepened further down the road when he came upon three more bodies that had obviously been dead even longer.

"The people of the town had better have some explanation for this," he said trembling with anger. Little more than a trot was possible as he hurried down the road toward the town. The sun was rising and with it the temperature. The prince took off his cloak and cleared the hill that brought him in sight of the town.

The smell again preceded the sight, but as the prince entered the town he was horrified by the sight of dead bodies everywhere. "Is anybody there," the prince cried out in anguish, "answer me!" Silence answered back, indicating that nobody was - the entire town appeared dead.

He stumbled down the street that went through the center of the town covering his mouth and nose with his cloak. "What evil has brought such disaster to this town," he said turning the corner into the town square. The street opened up into the same scene as before with bodies lying everywhere. The only motion was from the fountain in the center.

He walked past a tavern right in front of the fountain and came upon a small campfire. Looking to see what they had had as their final meal, his stomach turned as he realized that their last meal had been one of their own. Losing his own breakfast, he coughed and wondered out loud, "Why with such great food this land contains would they have chosen to eat each other?!"

Let s/he who has ears hear my story.

Grabbing for the pen

This is a pretty amazing time in my life. Its April and in less than two months, I will receive my PhD, get married, move to Richmond, and start a new job. My entire life is going to change over the span of a month and I couldn't be more excited about it! I know what's going to happen but what I'm not so clear on is how its going to happen. Back in January, I had it all figured out. I was going to have a job by February, I'd have my dissertation finished by the end of March, and I was going to spend my last month in Blackburg living it up in some kind of semi-vegetative state.

Well, that's not how things have panned out. The job search is going well, but noone wanted to hire me that early. My dissertation is going well, but I don't defend till April 22 (about a month "late"). I have no doubt that these things will happen but apparently my timing was off. Apparently, God had another Storyline in mind. My difference of opinion with God over this issue doesn't make me angry or distressed or anything really, but it has made me curious about where the differences in our two versions of my Story lay. God's version seems much more dramatic, with many things happening close together and perhaps a little to close to "the end" for my comfort. "That would make a great movie if we were in Hollywood God but this is my life," I think as I politely inform God of the "correct" timing for things. My version of The Story is comfortable and safe. It's predictable and I always end up living "happily ever after." Many times I've convinced myself that this is the story I want, this is the good story. And so as God is writing the Story of my life, I find myself many times trying to grab the pen out of his hands so I can take charge of the script.

But echoing down the halls of Scripture I hear a very different take on things. I hear Jesus saying that he "came" (was born, lived, taught, worked, died, came back from the dead) so I could have "life to the fullest" (John 10:10). I hear Jesus telling me, "I came to save you from a boring life, not to give you one." I realize that if the world were a theme park, my life is the rollercoaster not the lazy river. I know this and I've become more accustomed to this fact the longer I've known God. He surprised me, even scared me, at first when I found out God had a wild side. At first I was okay with God being the adventurous type - so long as he left me out of it. But then I realized he created me so I could go on the adventure with him. So I hear him again, even now, banging on my door and telling me its time for another adventure. My boring plans for the last few months of college are already shot anyways, I guess I'll go along with God and see how his version turns out...

To Die For (part 2)

Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to post a reply to the first part of this story. The "end" of the story is really more a reflection on the first. If you really want an end to the story just ask and I'll post the one I thought up. Now here's the reflection:

There's no indication in the story that I had any notion of the object in my possession having any value or meaning. My running initially was just a natural instinct - a simple response to being chased. As I'm being chased, getting shot at, climbing up on a roof, and standing on the edge of that roof, I come to suspect the value of the object because of the ends these men would go to get it. The men's action contradicts their own words on the roof when they tell me the object is of no value. Without even knowing the value of the object I possess, I am able to infer by other's actions that it must have some value even if I don't personally know that yet. And so I turn heel and jump. I'll find out for myself what's so valuable about this object ("soda") but I have to hold onto it long enough to do so.

Having no prior forethought to what I was going to write the other day till it was the screen, I feel very strongly that God gave me this story to tell and ponder myself. There was on part 2 written when I wrote the first. I've spent the past several days thinking about it same as the people who were kind enough to leave their thoughts. Personally, I take two things away from the story:

First, based on the actions of others, I can infer a certain amount of value on something even if I cannot initially see that value myself. But, based on those observations, I must hold onto it long enough to find that out myself. And so, even in the midst of many hypocrites, it was the genuine and passionate spirituality of some that lead me to develop a faith of my own - one based solely on the life and teachings of Jesus the Christ. And, like the story, my initial possession was opposed both by my own doubt and the scorn of others. But with a great deal of perseverance, I held onto my faith long enough to realize its value (Luke 8:4-15) - the value of which I continue to more fully explore and discover each day.

Secondly, and timely for this Easter, I realize that the value of anything is based solely on the ends one is willing to go to get it. It's like what my parents used to say about my comic book collection I claimed was worth so much money: it's only worth that if someone is willing to pay you that price for it. And so, as I reflect on Christ's cross, his death and resurrection, I know how much my life is worth because I know what Someone was willing to pay to save it. I realize that Jesus would rather die that be separated from me.

Standing here in the shadow of his broken body draped over the crest of that lonely hill, I'm humbled by a caliber of love that confounds the world even today. I'm humbled and thankful because I am that object of great value. Even if in my own mind I'm not always convinced of that fact, Jesus certainly was. Happy Easter everybody.

To Die For (part 1)

I want you to indulge me for a second while I tell you a fictional story that happens every day. I was in 7-11 one day when I decided that I wanted to buy a soda. I walked over to the freezer, walking past several men giving me rather strange looks. I heard mumbling behind me as I reached for the door handle, opened the door, and pulled out a soda. I turn around in just enough time to see one of those men lunge toward me trying to grab the soda from my hands. Another man stood behind him blocking my way down the aisle. I get a running start, pushing past him and sending him flying into the bubble gum display. As I run toward the cashier, the first man yells out, "Do NOT sell that soda to him!!!!" I'm super freaked out at this point so I slam a dollar bill down on the counter, bolt out the door, and run down the street. Ten seconds later, the two men run out of the door as well. As soon as they see me, one of them yells, "He's got the soda, GET HIM!!!" The men no sooner get out of the parking lot than the 7-11 behind them blows up in a fiery explosion. The air is filled with smoke and tiny pieces of brick. The force of the blow knocked me down and into the grass. I quickly recover and begin to run away from the men.

"Just give us the soda man, that's all we want," the man yells after me, huffing and puffing as we bolt down the street. Andrenaline has kicked in and I'm flying down the sidewalk with a death grip on the soda that, for whatever reason, these men want so badly. I run towards a building and tear open the first door I reach. I start up the stairs but then turn back, smartly locking the door behind me. When I get to the second flight of stairs I hear the sound of gun shots then someone kicking the door open. I think to myself, "Holy crap, they've got a gun!!" as I run up the to the top floor of the building. "You'll be the next thing I shoot if you don't give me that damn soda!" The other man calls after me as I run through the doorway to the top floor. Flying down the hallway, there's a door at the end that leads out to a balcony. A strong shoulder through that door and I find myself at a dead end.

Suddenly, the men run out of the stairwell and run down the hall after me. I panic and look around. "These guys are ready to kill me for a stupid soda," I think as I eye a utility ladder beside the balcony that leads up to the roof. I grab the ladder and hoist myself up. I only get about a rung or two up the ladder when one of the men grabs my left foot. I shake him off and climb the ladder to the roof. I don't even hear the men anymore, just the sound of gravel under my feet as I run to the other side of the roof. Suddenly at the edge I stop, looking down at an alley and another building too far away for me to jump to. I turn around to see the men have stopped half way between me and ladder. Knowing they have me cornered, they stop to catch their breath. Then, standing back up, one of the men points a gun at me and says, "It's not that important man, just hand us the soda and we'll let you go. You don't want to die for a soda do you?" He had a point there. Thinking about it for a second, I look at the men and then I look back behind me at the alley and a dumpster below. Taking a step back toward the edge, the man with the gun yells out, "What are you doing?!" In one single, fluid movement, I turn on my heel and jump off the edge. Falling three stories into the dumpster and running down the street. Safe - for now.

There's a part two to this story, I'll post it on Easter Sunday. Till then let me ask you a question, why didn't I just give them the soda? Post your thoughts in the comments section.

Who's in your fan club?

I am one of the most fortunate men I know. I really consider myself blessed in so many ways but what I'm most thankful for, by far, is to have people in my life that love me and desire me. That statement may seem a little silly so let me explain. I could pick up my phone right now and call my parents and that five minute phone call would absolutely make their day. Tonight I will have dinner with my fiancee and that time with me will be the absolute highlight of her day. Now of course the feel is mutual in both instances but what blows me away sometimes is the magnitude of this love. That someone would love me so much that even the smallest part of me (my time, my voice, my just being around) is cause for more joy than I would have ever imagined. Small as it may be, I have a fan club (my fiancee is the president and my mom is the vice president)! I feel so fortunate to have people in my life that love me like that. I feel equally blessed to love these people in the same way, how my fiancee's voice or simply her smile can change a crappy day into a good one so quickly.

As I write this, I'm glad so many people I know have this kind of love in their lives as well. But to an even greater degree I'm so grieved that many people in the world today, many people I know, do not have this kind of love in their life. People that walk around empty, hollow and almost lifeless because, whether they know it or not, they lack this quality of love in their life. People that would say they "know" people but no one who would be interested in being a part of their fan club. This isn't just an unfortunate fact of our world, God would call it an absolute tragedy.

Before there was even time, God was the founder of your fan club. He created you for just one purpose - to enjoy you. Not many people think about how God loves us. We know that He loved us enough to go to a cross for us two thousand years ago. We stand in awe of that fact, that single amazing act of love. But did you know that if you stared up at heaven today for even an instant, that you made His day. That the shortest, most uninspired prayer is precious to Him simply because it came out of your mouth. The fact is that God is completely and totally infatuated with you. He's head over heels in love with every part of you. Did you know that He threw a party in heaven when you gave your life to Him? Did you know that every day you stray from Him, He sits on His porch with your picture in His hands waiting for you to walk over that hill and return home? The fact is that you have a fan club, you always have. God is the founder and a lifetime member. The Gospel message, the Good News, that we try to make so complicated sometimes is simply this: You are loved. Our purpose today is two-fold, to believe that we are loved and help others believe the same.

Thirsty Fish and Spiritual Deserts

I've followed God now for a little over 6 years now and even after such a relatively short time I'm regularly suprised at how unexcited I can get about God from time to time. How quickly the wonder can wear off, how fast the thirst can wane. I know the excitement and the thrist that led me to God, I know how passionately I responded to Him once I found Him. How could I be bored with the God of the universe, how can I so quickly forget all the excitement I had when I first started following Him?

And then I realize that Sin has done this, it has shortened my heart's attention span. And so, as I've said before, Sin leads us in two directions: novelty and excess and this doesn't just fade away when we find God. Sin is still there questioning us, asking us whether we have found the Ultimate. It (or more accurately, he) asks us how we can be so sure there isn't something better. Same as Sin did in the garden when he asked Eve how she could be so sure that eating the fruit wasn't better than obeying God. Sin somehow tries to make following God seem boring. At first, I ask how he could possibly succeed in doing this but then I look around and see that he's convinced most of the world of exactly that fact.

We think, as Christ followers, that we have done our job if we haven't allowed our eyes to stray from God. If we haven't allowed Sin to entice us elsewhere. But I say that if Sin can get us to yawn at our faith, to be surrounded by God and godly things and yet still feel like we're in a spiritual desert, then Sin is just as happy with the job he's done. Sin doesn't care what we're passionate about or whether we're passionate about anything at all - so long as we are not passionate about God.

My task and our task, today and everyday for the rest of our lives is to keep our hearts fixed on pursuing God. Just like my relationship with my fiancee, I must freshly renew my love and committment to her regularly. Neglect can do as much damage as abuse. And so my daily prayer: I didn't just give You my life six years ago, Lord, I give it to You everyday and today is no different. Amen.

The Necessity of Pain

You know, one day I'm going to write an entire book on all of the things I've learned about God teaching college courses. Over the past two years, I've gotten the chance to teach three different classes here at Tech. Here's one interesting thought from that - think of it as an excerpt from the as-yet-unpublished book on the topic. It occurred to me the other day that, at the half way point of this semester, there are some things the students I teach are learning well and other things they aren't. Some bad habits they've gotten rid of, others that they are holding on to rather tenaciously. It seems to me that sometimes the only way to get them to stop doing some of things I'm trying to teach them to stop doing is to hit them in the gradebook. If I warn them about something, some will listen and others won't. If I start taking off points for it then everyone learns pretty quick. Now, I don't particularly enjoy deducting points (it wasn't that long ago that I was the student losing points) but I've learned that I'm not doing them any favors by giving them a grade they didn't earn. And so the lesson that I'm taking away from my observation is this: Sometimes the only thing that we as humans respond to is pain (in all its varied forms). Let me frame the scope of my arguement, not all pain is punishment and its certainly not all caused by God - we do our fair share of the causing. But within this, I have learned to understand the value of pain (or perhaps a better term, discipline) in my life. Hebrews 12:7 says, "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons." The truth is that God's not out to get me, He's not against me, and YES, He does have better things to do than pester you. But I know that God has a vision for the kind of person that I could be and spurs me on to make the vision a reality everyday by whatever means necessary. What so many people think God does out of hate, He does because He loves us. Truly, its easier to believe that at some times than it is others but we must, nonetheless, persevere in that belief all the time.

The two-fold path of Sin

Alright, this is my warm up. I'm getting used to writing each day. Just like running or flossing (I guess) I just gotta get in the habit of writing. But first I have to go to the bathroom...okay back. Wow, today is two months to the day that I finish my ninth year of college and graduate for good! I honestly don't know how I feel about that yet. In a time when I should be getting a terminal case of super-senioritis though, I can say that I am so motivated to squeeze every last bit out of this experience that I can before its gone. Lord, help me live life to the absolute fullest for these last two months here. One end is also a new beginning.

Now for a halfway useful thought. I was reflecting on sin today and the nature of it. If we understand Sin, by one of its many definitions, as the pursuit of fulfillment apart from God then I would say we are led by it in two ultimate directions: novelty and excess. Since we as Christians believe there is no true fulfillment apart from God (only watered down versions) then Sin is the pursuit of that which doesn't exist. This results in a trial and error approach to many other vices such as alcohol (of which I know a lot about), or sex, or any of a number of other things. At first, most sin does have the taste of something fulfilling but its aftertaste is always bland and unsatisfying. When sin ceases to fulfill, our natural response is to either "do it differently" or "do it more". My first few experiences with drinking were spectacular, nothing but fun and more fun. But as that experience started to wane, I had to either drink more or add some novelty to my drinking in the form of games, keg stands, or other such innovations. In cyclic fashion like a hamster on a wheel, each "new" experience provided by novelty or excess wained the process was repeated. Eventually, as it did in my case, novelty and excess were pushed to distructive limits that could have seriously hurt me if God hadn't given me another way. Releasing me from this cyclic pattern and putting me back on the path toward Him, I found the fulfillment I had searched for and pursued with such vigor. This time though, I found what I looking for because I was pointed at God, therefore such novelty and excess were unneeded. I do of course try to find ways to experience God freshly and in increasing fashion today, but this is not the frenzied attempts to find purpose and peace they were previously. It is the fulfillment I found when I first came to God that I now explore the depths of. All that's left is gratitude, thank you Lord.

Who's feet do you sit at?

Okay, so in the same Fortune article I was reading, Rick Warren also talked about role models. I think we'd all argee that modeling yourself off of great men and women is a good thing. We're not trying to copy them, we're not trying to live their life - but we can let their life inspire us just as they were probably inspired by someone before them. Living great lives is just our way of passing it on. Interestingly though, Rick recommended that, ideally, your models should be dead. I liked that, he said that its one things to run a good first part of the race and then flake out at the end, its a whole other thing to finish the race with power and intregity. I really resonate with that. I've been a fan of biographies for years. In fact, I should probably make time to read more of them than I do. Biographies are great because you get to sit at the feet of some of the most amazing people that ever lived. Who wouldn't want to be mentored by the greatest men and women? I may never get a chance to meet Billy Graham or Rick Warren but I can read about the apostle Paul, or Hudson Taylor, or George Mueller. I can be there when D.L. Moody was preaching to thousands, when Francis Shaeffer started L'Abri for wayward spiritual wanderers. Yes, I will continue to look forward to having coffee with Rick Warren or Ravi Zacharias one day, but for now I have all of the greatest people that have ever lived at my fingertips. I would encourage you as well to avail yourself to that opportunity.

Efficient vs. Effective

I love going to Barnes and Noble because you can sit down and read all of the magazines you might not otherwise read. So with the preface - I was reading an articles in Fortune magazine about the "the best advice I ever got". They basically asked 25 of the country's most successful people what was the best advice they ever got. The question basically got back to "who was/are your mentors"? A couple that I liked included: Find out what you are truly good at and then surround yourself with people that are strong in the areas you are weak. Do what you enjoy and do what you're good at. Balance is the key to success. And a whole lot of others I can't remember (so they must not have been that good).

They also interviewed Rick Warren in that piece. He said several things I really liked. First, he said that a lot of organizations (churches, businesses, etc...) focus on being efficient but not about being effective. Being efficient has to do with what's going on inside your organization but being effective has to do with what's going on outside your organization. Effective has to do with the people that are not using your product and why are they not. For the church it has to do with the people that don't believe our message and why they don't. I've personally seen a lot of efficient churches that run like well oiled machines, but they suck because no one who's not already a Christian would want to be a part of it.

I think that the more I read from Rick Warren the most I admire the man. He had another good piece of advice but I might make that another blog because it hits on a whole other topic.