So last week I was sharing about the fact that I've largely found contentment in the job I am doing right now. Even in the monotonous parts of it, I've found new opportunities to practice humility and a servant's heart. That's my present situation. The second half of what I've been learning has to do with my future situation. I've spent the better part of six months praying about various aspects of my future in very specific detail as to what I desire. First off, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You should ask God for the desires of your heart and you should be candid about what you want. But what I've become less and less clear on what exactly I want or should want. So in several areas I've coveted either a particular apartment with an even better view of the city than mine or I've coveted a contract with a five-minute commute. But lately some of these prayers, at least for me, have seemed somewhat presumptive.
I'm finding it hard to communicate what I'm feeling right now. All I can say is that God knows what's best for my life and I don't, so why I am asking for anything from God in these big areas other than that his Will be done? As I think about it, that actually sounds strangely like faith to me. And so while I still pray often and pray for very specific things, I've began to give more and more of my life to God for him to decide what's best. And so I simply pray, "Give me the job you want me to have and let me live where you want me to live. Just give me You." I know that sounds incredibly pious but its honestly what I'm feeling in my heart right now. In addition to what I talked about last week, this new attitude of faith has given me a lot more contentment in my life and allowed me to appreciate God's goodness more and more. So hopefully somewhere in this rambling blog entry you heard something that you could identify with or that was helpful to you. I feel very taken care of by God right now and that is a fantastic feeling that only makes me want more of Him.
1 comment :
Mom shared your Christmas card and letter. Your view from your flat is beautiful.
Jason I think one of the reasons that I found myself always in and out school is that it challenges me and refreshes me. I just started my doctoral program at William and Mary @ 40! I was lucky to get the scholarship at W & M and really feel God is with me on this one. I did not think I was ready for this challenge but I am aceing my classes so far. It has taken me 20 years to figure out what I wanted to do. Richard is still trying to figure out what he wants @ 42 and like you prays constantly for guidance.
Do you remember being in the Lee High yearbook as a preschooler? I still think that was cool. I wish I had a scanner to scan the image so you could share with your wife.
I think one of the reasons Pat became autistic was that God wanted us to do something - either help get the truth out about autism or help get the right education for these kids. I don't know which is. While we are flat broke paying for the medical bills because insurance doesn't cover chelation, somehow we always get the monthly bills paid off.
Colleen is a huge help around the house with Pat and making sure Mommy has her tea while she studies.
Kathy (Quigley) Hybl
Lynn and Jim's daughter
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